It Is Mythological

This was from The Ransomed Heart mailing this morning.  I know this is off topic from my most recent posts, but the question of the question, and the solution that is a problem really resonate with me.  I have written before about where our identity comes from.  We all have that question built into us.

Why is pornography the most addictive thing in the universe for men? Certainly there’s the fact that a man is visually wired, that pictures and images arouse men much more than they do women. But the deeper reason is because that seductive beauty reaches down inside and touches your desperate hunger for validation as a man you didn’t even know you had, touches it like nothing else most men have ever experienced. You must under-stand—this is deeper than legs and breasts and good sex. It is mythological. Look at the lengths men will go to find the golden-haired woman. They have fought duels over her beauty; they have fought wars. You see, every man remembers Eve. We are haunted by her. And somehow we believe that if we could find her, get her back, then we’d also recover with her our own lost masculinity.

When a man takes his question to the woman, what happens is either addiction or emasculation. Usually both.

Not About Sex

I wonder how many posts I can write about missing my wife before one of you tells me to get a life.  I miss nakedness.  I know that is really a guy thing to say.  But I miss those moments on cold winter nights sliding between cold sheets and snuggling up to be warm.  I miss those “Don’t bother me I am trying to get makeup on” moments after she showered.  Being naked and unashamed is one of the best things God did in creating marriage.  The average adult has over eighteen square feet of skin.  I always reveled in seeing how much of that we could get against each other.  And this is not about sex.  It is about intimacy.  It is about the wonder of how our bodies match each other.  How we are created to match.

So yes I miss my wife.  When I lay in bed alone at night wishing for her to be next to me it is not for sex, but for the smell of her hair and the slow steady breathing as she sleeps in my arms.

The Undiscovered Country of the Princess

I had a conversation last night that I want to continue today.    Cat posted a little snippet of an IM conversation she had, and asked if it was true. The question was can men really be monogamous?  A friend of hers suggested not.  She has an impressive list of things she is willing to do for her man, but is not so sure the effort is worth it if he is not going to be faithful.  My answer goes back to my post in February about Miss Right. It is all about the mystery.  I tend to fall into Eldredge speak when thinking about these things.  Think about the masculine qualities of God,  man has those things in miniature except with more than a dash of sin to mess things up.  He is wild and dangerous, an explorer and conqueror.  If he feels that he has fully explored the woman he is with, he is going to look for the undiscovered country, or he will become complacent in his attitude towards her, or both.   Now here is where I can feel female readers starting to bristle… It is her job to keep him wondering, “what is she thinking?”  Think about the great women in history and legend.  Strong and capable, mysterious and desirable.  Cat referred to this as being a Diva.  I tend towards the knight and princess thing myself.

I think of it more in terms of understanding your position in God’s creation.   He is mysterious, we can spend a lifetime exploring the character of God.  It is to his glory for us to use our intelect to explore him.  There is a reason He does not just hand us a full revelation of Himself when we become a Christion.  Being mysterious and exploring the mystery are two sides of the same character. A lot of these questions come from a lack of security in who we are.  This goes for men and women.   If our marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and the church, maybe the question should not be “Will he stray?” but “What will I do when he strays?”

I add that last question because I recently read a post that questioned the expectation of monogamy.  Yes it is required by our vows but we throw away lifetimes over indescretion.  We get so focused on this one area of sin, does God do that?  Yes it has consequences, but what do you think?

Write nothing, get less traffic, but mention sex…

Not that I get a lot of traffic when I do write, but it is nice to know that someone is taking the time to read what I have labored over.  The funny thing is, if you mention sex in a post, the traffic really spikes.

I mentioned my divorce in an earlier post.  Things continue to proceed down that path.  It is not a process in which dragging your heels really does any good.  I continue to take responsibility and ask for reconciliation.   It appears that I may end up in the house with the kids.  The possibility of being a single father of four is slightly terrifying.   I am a selfish man.  I feel like this is a move of the Lord to put me in a position of dependence and growth.  I will be like Auda abu Tai to my children.  Probably more than I have ever been.   It also constrains less healthy urges that might assert themselves if I was living alone.

I appreciate those who have expressed encouragement and care.  Thanks to those who pray and He who hears.

Are you porn again?

I have heard a number of good sermons from Marc Driscoll at Mars Hill Church over the last few years.   He is bold and blunt and occasionally a little offensive, but his heart is in the right place and I enjoy listening to him.   I do not think I am speaking out of turn when I say that one of his greatest burdens is for young men in and out of church.  He speaks to men’s issues often.  One topic that is often present is the struggle for sexual purity.  His church is currently publishing an e-book called Porn-again Christian.  It looks like it will be a good resource for many that are dealing with this issue.

Sex reminds us?

John Shore at Suddenly Christian writes about Sex yesterday.  Sex as a metaphor for God.  For those with strong drives this will certainly hit a nerve.  For those who deny they have strong drives, this will certainly hit a nerve.  There will also be those that think the comparison itself is sinful, so it will certainly hit a nerve.