Being Mindful

I have been learning a bunch about being mindful, being present for the people that God puts in my life.  I have written before about seeing those around me as fellow created beings, not objects, annoyances or tools.  These people are in my life for a reason.  I should be asking what that reason is.  I have been reading Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash the Power of Life in Christ I think the author, Peter Scazzero essentially is suggesting that we be mindful of the Lord throughout our day, purposefully taking time to be present with Him.  This then extends to those around us.   I have been working on being mindful and present with my children.  It makes a difference.

I was reading the story of Jesus washing the disciples feet.  I was really struck by how mindful and present Jesus is for the disciples.  Even knowing what He would be going through in a few hours, he washes their feet.   I imagine the disciples remembering that moment years later, when they where faced with trials or death.  The memory giving them strength to witness even in their pain.  How awesome!

Commenting on Comments

In the previous post I wrote about grocery shopping and how little I liked it, how it really made me feel divorced.  I can write for weeks without anyone bothering to comment in any way, but apparently this little rant hit a raw spot.  All but two of my known female readers responded with little sympathy and no offers for grocery shopping.  The one guy who happened by and commented, exhibited all the finest in male behavior suggesting that I use the market as my personal “market.”

I appreciate all the comments.  Thanks for caring enough to share your thoughts.

Being Foolish

I try to read for improvement whenever I can.  I do not casually buy every book that comes out, but I am always watching for titles that will challenge me in my walk with God.  Over the last couple years  I have read a lot of books on Marriage as I try to understand what has gone wrong in mine.  I want to learn how to change behaviors and avoid mistakes.  I also read a lot of men’s books, trying to understand my own heart and the way God created me.  Every once in a while, I feel like I need to step back from all the self-examination, and read something that examines Christ, something that points to him.

I have only just begun to read The Importance of Being Foolish: How to Think Like Jesus but I can already tell it will be that kind of book.   I am doing a bunch of underlining of things I want to write about or think about more.  One thing that struck me is the idea that the pursuit of power, pleasure and safety keep us from being transparent.  This by itself is a good thing to note, but what the author is really saying, and explains more, is that it keeps Christ from shining through us.  We become a shaded lamp which does not let His light through, instead of a lighthouse with a blazing bulb inside.  This is a different way to talk about transparency.  I generally think about it as me being transparent about my feelings, motives and actions.  Without Christ, that kind of transparency is like an inner window in an old apartment building that has been bricked up.  It is still transparent, but looking through it does not show you anything.  I need to be transparent for the purpose of letting Him shine through.

Done with Thriving

I finished Thriving Despite A Difficult Marriage The authors speak of the “difficult spouse,” and I see myself.   Again and again I find myself in the pages of this book.  I have recounted in past posts my lack of leadership in spiritual things, my selfishness with time, money and affection.  I was, and probably am a difficult spouse.   The thing I really did not expect was seeing my (ex)wife on the same pages in many more subtle ways.   She also was a difficult spouse.  I have come to the conclusion that we are all difficult spouses.   The trick is humbly recognizing it and asking the Lord to work in your life to make you more like Him.  The rough thing is that He will probably use your spouse for that purpose.   And if you think you are married to the difficult spouse, don’t congratulate yourself on being the good one.  Chances are, a little self examination will reveal that your self-righteousness has become the thing you depend on, rather than the Lord.

This next statement is a little broad, but it all comes down to this.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul, and love your spouse as yourself.  Ok that last sentence was not what I was really thinking, mmmmmm.   Pursue the Lord, love your difficult spouse as He loves you.  “Do this in remembrance of me.”

Thriving Despite A Difficult Marriage

I picked up this book recently.  Why, when I am divorced, do I buy a book about being in a difficult marriage?  I want to learn.  If I am reunited with my ex at some point I need to understand what went wrong.  If I find myself in another relationship at some point, I want to understand how to keep it healthy and God centered.

As I read the first chapters, I find myself challenged and a little threatened.  Challenged because clearly my marriage was not God centered.  Neither my ex-wife or I were really focused on the Lord.  Instead of developing her own relationship with the Lord, she looked to me for too much.  Instead of taking responsibility for my own walk and lovingly pointing her towards the Lord, I kept her focused on me and I consumed her for my daily bread.   It is threatening because I realize that I was the difficult spouse for a good part of our marriage and I know that if I was with a woman that was truly focused on the Lord, I would not be able to get away with being “difficult”  If she is depending on the Lord, it pulls the carpet out from under the difficult one.  It changes the power and dependency dynamics dramatically.

If you are in a difficult marriage and you are trying to see how be faithful to God through it, read this book.  If your marriage is over and you are struggling to understand the roots of what went wrong, read this book.

Its A Little Bit Funny

I have been going through a bit of a dry spot lately. Not doing much reading or praying, just trying to motor through my days and get past this thing. The highlight of my week has been sitting in men’s Bible study on Saturday morning and feeling the pores of my soul open up a little as I relax and listen to the word discussed. Sunday morning has been the same way.

Now that things are done, and life has not suddenly gotten any easier, I realize I have… ..got…..to….reach.. …for….my….Bible. So the last couple mornings I have taken a few minutes in the morning and made myself do some reading. It is always great to be reminded of the responsiveness of God when we do the things he has told us to do. I find myself feeling refreshed, and thinking, ok, I need to do more of that tomorrow. It is a little bit funny to be surprised by this feeling. It is not like He doesn’t tell us what the Word is good for.

Relationship asking

I have been getting a lot of reading about prayer lately.  Reading Yancey’s book on prayer, and the last few days Oswald Chambers has been about prayer as well.  I was thinking about all the things we pray, for which we already know the answer.  Our children do the same thing.  They come and ask for a treat too close to dinner time, or a glass of water too close to bed time or to go play somewhere or with someone that they know is not the best.  Since we are human and somewhat inconsistent, our children have some hope that we might say yes this time.  We do the same thing to God.  We ask for things that we know are marginal hoping that God will say yes this time, but God is consistent, and does not get tired of saying “No” to us.

Then I started thinking about the requests that delight me as a father(or at least they should).  “Daddy can we play a game?”  “Will you read to me?”  “Can I go to the store with you?” “Will you help me with this problem?”  These are the questions that I think God delights in.  After all, He has given us his Spirit and the Word to tell us how to live, but the relationship with him can only be built with time.

I want to share this lesson with my children.  I already recognize that I will have to apologize for my own shortcomings in this area.  At the same time, I am able to say that in the last five months I have been working on saying yes to the relationship requests of each of my children.  It is great to have something confirmed in this way.

The Fear of Isaac

In Genesis, when Jacob has finished his time with Laban and is returning to his homeland, Laban pursues him. In the midst of their conversation, Jacob refers to the Lord as the “Fear of Isaac.” A few verses later, he takes an oath in the name of the “Fear of his father Isaac.” There is no other place where God is referred to in this way. thinking about it, I can only imagine what Isaac’s relationship with the Lord must have been like, for his children to refer to it in this way.

My thought is that Isaac never really got over almost being sacrificed as a child. God had asked for his life and only relented as the knife was raised. Isaac may have taken this to heart and lived in fear of the Lord, of what the Lord might ask of him all his days. If he understood why the Lord had done this, it may have kept him from holding anything or anyone too tightly. Being human, there is a good chance he overcompensated and had a tough time in relationship with his sons. Do we see the consequences in his son’s lives? Is it reflected in their relationship with their mother or wives?