Questions From a Friend

A friend(M), or at least someone I think will become a friend with time, sent me the following questions.

How is porn addiction changing the way people value each other?
Is it possible to have true intimacy in this age of technology?
Are my crows feet getting bigger?

I do not know her well enough to speak to her individual situation, but can at least answer from a man’s point of view.

1. An addiction to porn devalues everyone involved.  The women in the images being viewed is seen as an object instead of another being created in the image of God.  This discounts the value inherent in her creation.  An addiction to porn also devalues the “real” women in a mans life.  They will tend to become objects as well.  There is another step to lower value that occurs when the “object” does not respond as expected.  This might be sexual or it might be in terms of submission, either way an “object” that does not act according to the owners expectations is not very valuable.   Another person devalued by the porn addiction is the man doing the viewing.  I speak from a Christian perspective when I say that the regular viewing of pornography with a lack of repentance and denial of conviction slowly erodes a man’s sense of worth.  He might withdraw because of his worthlessness, or he might compensate by trying to be exceptionally worthy in some other area, or both.  In order to avoid discovery of his worthlessness, along with the withdrawal, he may try to control his circumstances to the exclusion of others.  I may be stepping out on a limb here, but it occurs to me that the affect on a man’s self worth(value) may have a greater impact on society and the church than the affect on the woman’s.  I can sense another post in that sentence.
2. I may have written before about the ways I feel e-communication affects intimacy.  I believe text and chat provide an immediacy that promotes a false sense of intimacy.  It is like eating a diet consisting only of appetizers.  You may never get to the main course of the relationship.  Or you may get enough to think you have had a full meal, but not really gotten to the meat of the matter.  A relationship built on text and chat may come crashing down when the reality of a face to face meeting intrudes.   I think one almost has to pull back from the e-com and purposefully seek deeper communication, whether that is face to face, phone, or a longer written format.  Any of these allows for more intimate knowledge through tone, expression and syntax.
3. Without an objective measure over time, it is extremely hard to determine size differential on crow’s feet.  An annual picture controlled for lighting and other variables might allow us to see growth over time(if any) and could even allow one to predict a future growth rate and future date when crows feet would effectively dominate ones facial features.  Until that day, being the smart guy that I am, I will simply say, “Crow’s feet?  I hadn’t noticed.”

It Is Mythological

This was from The Ransomed Heart mailing this morning.  I know this is off topic from my most recent posts, but the question of the question, and the solution that is a problem really resonate with me.  I have written before about where our identity comes from.  We all have that question built into us.

Why is pornography the most addictive thing in the universe for men? Certainly there’s the fact that a man is visually wired, that pictures and images arouse men much more than they do women. But the deeper reason is because that seductive beauty reaches down inside and touches your desperate hunger for validation as a man you didn’t even know you had, touches it like nothing else most men have ever experienced. You must under-stand—this is deeper than legs and breasts and good sex. It is mythological. Look at the lengths men will go to find the golden-haired woman. They have fought duels over her beauty; they have fought wars. You see, every man remembers Eve. We are haunted by her. And somehow we believe that if we could find her, get her back, then we’d also recover with her our own lost masculinity.

When a man takes his question to the woman, what happens is either addiction or emasculation. Usually both.

Porn Again Christian fully loaded

It looks like Mark Driscoll has the full text of this book online now.  I have not read all of it, but so far it looks good.

Are you porn again?

I have heard a number of good sermons from Marc Driscoll at Mars Hill Church over the last few years.   He is bold and blunt and occasionally a little offensive, but his heart is in the right place and I enjoy listening to him.   I do not think I am speaking out of turn when I say that one of his greatest burdens is for young men in and out of church.  He speaks to men’s issues often.  One topic that is often present is the struggle for sexual purity.  His church is currently publishing an e-book called Porn-again Christian.  It looks like it will be a good resource for many that are dealing with this issue.