What am I Learning: A report on Men’s retreat 2009

I spent a lot of last weekend watching and listening for what the Lord is doing at my church, and what part I have in that.  Thursday night I had told pastor that I thought it was going to be a really good retreat.  When he asked me why, I could not really answer.  It got me thinking though, and Friday morning I had an answer.  I believe that we as men at my church are ripe for God.  I really feel like we have leadership with vision for the Lord.  I also felt like the sin of one would have a ripple effect among us.  I think only a dozen or so knew at the beginning of the weekend, and that number only grew by four or five over the two days that we were there, but those dozen are leaders(yes I include myself) in many ways.  Each of us being aware of our own sins and shortcomings, cannot help but feel the need to be humble before our brothers in Christ.  Transparent and eager to show the Lord to those around us.  In our small group breakout times, we had some good discussions about the crippling and isolating effects of sin if it is not dealt with properly and promptly.  Being able to share from my own experience and what the Lord had done for me was great.  Being able to respond in love to the other men as they talked about their own struggles was excellent.

One of the elders who also helps lead the Saturday morning men’s Bible study will often ask, “What is the take away for today?” as we are wrapping up.  I was asking myself the same question this weekend.  It started with the Mexico trip, and being the “leader” of that effort.  I rebelled a bit from that title, I think I have mentioned that I have a hard time with that.  Then not so many weeks ago I was telling one of the guys about some of the things I was learning and he asked me if I would be one of the team leaders for the retreat weekend.  I said yes and really looked forward to it.  In the past, the leadership team has done a good job of giving the team leads the tools they needed to make the small group time successful.  I saw it as a low pressure way to share what is going on in my own life and get the chance to encourage a few other men in their own walks with the Lord.  In short, it was a chance to lead.  As the weekend progressed, the team leads were called on to help with various activities.  To be leaders.  By the end of the weekend, it was not making me cringe nearly as much as before.

This morning as I write this, the Lord is showing me another part of the answer.  It is a hold over from my sinful past and the sense of worthlessness that came with it. Sure I can do a lot of things, I can be responsible in many ways, just do not ask me to lead, I am not a leader, I cannot get up in front without the need to crack a joke or be self deprecating.  This is a lie.

In reality, I can lead when asked.  I can serve as needed.  I may not always be sure of how to do it, but I am not incapable and when I do not feel adequate, He is more than sufficient for my needs.

A Fleshly Reflection of a Mighty God.

I have written a lot in the last year about being a man. This weekend I was reminded of it as I listened to a country western radio station for a few minutes. I was struck by the images of men. Strong men that party(fellowship) hard, work hard, love strongly. Jesus was a man. The disciples weren’t just men, they were fishermen, which is a special set of its own. Our closing song this morning brought to mind images of tenderness and heroism. Oklahoma City, 9/11, and many others. As we sang about God’s grace and strength I thought about these images. Images that move men to tears. These images are nothing compared to the overwhelming tenderness of our God. These images are nothing compared to the sacrifice at the cross. These images are nothing compared to the strength of the Lord.

Transparency, Transparency, Transparency

The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift To come unguarded, undistracted, and be fully present and fully engaged with the one whom we are with. Have you noticed in reading the Gospels that people enjoyed being around Jesus? They wanted to be near him – to share a meal, take a walk, have a lingering conversation. It was the gift of his presence. When you were with him, you felt he was offering you his heart. When we offer our unguarded presence, we live like Jesus. And we invite others to do the same.

This quote from Captivating by John Eldridge, is aimed at women, but I could not help but apply it to our lives together as men.  I am often so distracted by my own problems that I do not make myself present to listen to the man in front of me.  It is always rewarding when I manage to  “Stop, Look, and Listen” (good sermon title).  When I find myself with a brother who is truly seeing and hearing me, I need to be prepared to offer myself unguarded, not my self, but God in me.  In the end it all comes down to three words…Transparency, Transparency, Transparency.

Yes, Yes, Yes

Seeing a subject line like that, I bet you thought you were going to read about some great breakthrough with H. NOT.

Instead, you are going to read of God’s great love for me, and his desire to have an intimate relationship with me. “Come and listen, all you who fear the Lord, let me tell you what he has done for me. I cried out to him with my mouth, his praise was on my tongue…” So, I got the MP3 player, loaded it up, with messages about marriage and husbanding and such from John Piper, C.J. Mahaney and a few others. All excellent, all good. I listened to a couple over the weekend and back and forth to work. Each message I listened to got me excited about what marriage really symbolizes, and excited to share what I was learning with my wife. This was frustrating for me. Picture me, my heart freshly basted by a session focused on my marriage, approaching my stone faced wife. Not a pretty sight. Tuesday, I was really feeling like I needed to shift my focus to the Lord, my relationship with Him. So I started looking for messages focused on the character of God, on worship and prayer. Yesterday with Lane, he confirmed this, saying that the closer my spirit is lined up with the Holy Spirit, the more likely I will be given effective words and effective prayers that will speak to H’s spirit.
This morning I really tried to shift the focus of my quiet time, and I was met. My spirit cried “YES, YES, YES” as I spent time in meditation and worship. And this morning as I left for work, I told H “Do not be afraid.” Something it had never occurred to me to say before.

Thank you for your prayers,

After God,