Hope

I have had some discussion recently about hope.  Deferred hope, unrealistic hope, denied hope, true hope.   I have not done a very good job of expressing the hope that I have, or of encouraging others to take a second look at their own hope.  I saw this line in a recent post at Innerleadership Blog.  I thought it complemented my own feelings nicely.

Hope needs no romance factor. It is bold, confidant and is in pursuit of that 90% chance of fulfillment while accepting a possibility of a 10% chance of redirection. Why? Hope is fulfilled not by some finite object, hope is placed in that which is infinite, long lasting, tried and documented to work.

This is the kind of hope I want to live in, on and with.

Drowsy, Divorced and a little Depressed

Over at The Way of the Broken Heart,  he writes about “purpose-less living.”  This resonates deeply within me.  I have lived many purpose-less years.  I have been remembering my purpose, but on Monday morning, drowsy, divorced and a little depressed, it is hard to see it.  There is also a flip side of this for me.  I sometimes fear purpose, fear The Big Plan.  I do not always have the faith to step out on the invisible bridge that is God’s plan for my life, and I rarely feel like I have the confidence to walk boldly across.

Defining Hope

Where there is no hope for the future, there is no power in the present.

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, Psalm 33:18

And where is our hope?  Is our power for the present proportional to our hope in the future?  I have hope for a lot of things, but all those hopes should be, or are sublimated by my hope in the Lord.  And since this hope is a certainty, it provides a confidence that gives power for the present.

For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD,
my confidence since my youth.  Psalm 71:5

I know my hope for the future needs to be more Christ centered  That kind of hope is more certainty than “pie in the sky.”  That kind of certainty gives more power for daily life.  Maybe my dream is an idol.  I don’t know.  Does it define me?  What if a bigger dream/hope defined me?  One that gave me confidence for daily living.   And it allows me to be in relationship without constantly wondering if a person is going to fulfill the dream that I have.

A Fleshly Reflection of a Mighty God.

I have written a lot in the last year about being a man. This weekend I was reminded of it as I listened to a country western radio station for a few minutes. I was struck by the images of men. Strong men that party(fellowship) hard, work hard, love strongly. Jesus was a man. The disciples weren’t just men, they were fishermen, which is a special set of its own. Our closing song this morning brought to mind images of tenderness and heroism. Oklahoma City, 9/11, and many others. As we sang about God’s grace and strength I thought about these images. Images that move men to tears. These images are nothing compared to the overwhelming tenderness of our God. These images are nothing compared to the sacrifice at the cross. These images are nothing compared to the strength of the Lord.

Stand Man Stand

This weekend I had the opportunity to listen to a country western radio station for a few minutes.  It kind of got me thinking about being a Man.   Jesus was a Man.  The disciples were Men.  Am I a Man?  Is my yes, yes and my no, no?

Is my faith integral to my Manhood? Am I identified as a Man and do I serve like one?

Am I dieing daily? and when I am gone will anyone talk of how I lived?

Can I stand as the Lord disciplines me and scours away the old man?

Do I realize the epic battle that carries on in our lives daily?

In those quiet moments when the battle seems to ebb away from my position, am I prepared to offer myself to my brothers in arms?

There is a lot more to this.  A number of good things bubbling up.  I wanted to end this post with 1 Cor.  16:13  in which Paul tells the Corinthian men to act like it.  I found some good writing on this topic which speaks of much of what I have been thinking about.

It Is Mythological

This was from The Ransomed Heart mailing this morning.  I know this is off topic from my most recent posts, but the question of the question, and the solution that is a problem really resonate with me.  I have written before about where our identity comes from.  We all have that question built into us.

Why is pornography the most addictive thing in the universe for men? Certainly there’s the fact that a man is visually wired, that pictures and images arouse men much more than they do women. But the deeper reason is because that seductive beauty reaches down inside and touches your desperate hunger for validation as a man you didn’t even know you had, touches it like nothing else most men have ever experienced. You must under-stand—this is deeper than legs and breasts and good sex. It is mythological. Look at the lengths men will go to find the golden-haired woman. They have fought duels over her beauty; they have fought wars. You see, every man remembers Eve. We are haunted by her. And somehow we believe that if we could find her, get her back, then we’d also recover with her our own lost masculinity.

When a man takes his question to the woman, what happens is either addiction or emasculation. Usually both.

Joy, the Bedrock State

If I am filled and being filled by the joy of the Lord, why am I not rushing around laughing and singing…”walking and leaping and praising God.”  Even on days when I feel like I am nearing a state of joyfulness, it does not feel very satisfying.  Why is this?  I think this joy is not an emotion, it is a state of being.  Or maybe it is a phase like the phases of matter.  Gas, liquid, solid and joyful.  Yes.  So, why do our emotions seem so much more powerful and urgent than this joy the Lord has promised us?

I went for a walk (on a winters day) and as I walked, somehow, I got a piece of gravel in my shoe.  It was very small but irritating.  I had to stop, take off my shoe and shake out rock before I could continue.  Later in my walk I crossed a hillside of rocky debris.  Most of these rocks where small enough that I could pick them up and heave them to the side if I wanted to.  Walking over them was uncomfortable; I hurt my ankle and stubbed my toe before I was through.  I rested a minute and continued on, coming to a stream filled with boulders.  I could see the trail on the other side, but I would have to hop from boulder to boulder to get there.  I took a leap to the first boulder.  I made it, but when I tried to stand it started to rock.  I jumped quickly for the next boulder, which did the same thing.  All the way across the stream these boulders, some of them bigger than me, teetered and tottered as I tried to balance on them.  Finally I was across.  I found myself standing on bare granite.  The trail faded into the expanse of unmarked bedrock.  I was able to relax.  The rock was stable.  I could move with confidence while I was on it.  After a few minutes I really stopped noticing the trail completely.  I was able to look around and enjoy the scenery that I had missed while I was making my way across all those little rocks.

Maybe I have spent so much of my life trying to balance on emotional boulders that standing on bedrock feels a little funny.

Joy, Always Present.

One of my friends very consistently reminds me of the Joy of the Lord.  I have written of the emotional ups and downs of this time.  I have struggled to find a stable position.  Yesterday morning an old song was running through my head.  “Joy is the flag that is flown from the castle of my heart…for the King is in residence there.”   As I went through my day, it ran through the back of my head.

We are promised joy. We are told to rejoice.  His joy is in us.  Why don’t I always see/know it?  The castle in the song helps me to answer that question.  When you are far from the castle,  the flag is easy to see, it flies from the highest pinnacle, a promise of what is present there.  As you travel towards the castle, getting closer to the heart of things, you may travel through forests that only give you an occasional glimpse of the castle.  At some point you come out of the forest into open farmland, your goal is there in front of you, the way seems clear.  Even so, as you walk, you pass through villages and towns where your view is blocked by houses and tall buildings.  In fact, the closer you get the harder it is to see the flag.  And when you get right up to the castle walls, you may not be able to see the flag at all.  You will not see the flag again until you come the the gate and pass through the portcullis into the inner courtyard, and there far above you is the flag.

I know this is all very Bunyanesque.  It is a journey though.  It was so much easier as a younger man to say, I want to be a man after God’s heart.  The goal was far away and easy to see.  I could wander in just about any direction and still see it, still have my face pointed towards it.  Now the route is more circuitous, progress seems slower, and although others tell me I am getting closer, it is harder to see.

I want to live in the castle at the heart of things.  My heart His heart, His heart my heart.  I know it is nearby.  I….just…have…to….keep…..moving…..forward.

Thriving Despite A Difficult Marriage

I picked up this book recently.  Why, when I am divorced, do I buy a book about being in a difficult marriage?  I want to learn.  If I am reunited with my ex at some point I need to understand what went wrong.  If I find myself in another relationship at some point, I want to understand how to keep it healthy and God centered.

As I read the first chapters, I find myself challenged and a little threatened.  Challenged because clearly my marriage was not God centered.  Neither my ex-wife or I were really focused on the Lord.  Instead of developing her own relationship with the Lord, she looked to me for too much.  Instead of taking responsibility for my own walk and lovingly pointing her towards the Lord, I kept her focused on me and I consumed her for my daily bread.   It is threatening because I realize that I was the difficult spouse for a good part of our marriage and I know that if I was with a woman that was truly focused on the Lord, I would not be able to get away with being “difficult”  If she is depending on the Lord, it pulls the carpet out from under the difficult one.  It changes the power and dependency dynamics dramatically.

If you are in a difficult marriage and you are trying to see how be faithful to God through it, read this book.  If your marriage is over and you are struggling to understand the roots of what went wrong, read this book.

You Are Not a Recruit Any More.

“It has taken the lord many years to break me down to the point where i have even a little humility to hear the truth and maybe try to apply it painfully to my life.”

I wrote this sentence in response to a little praise I received this weekend.  It is great to know that I can be an encouragement to others, and that my writing may be a blessing to my readers.  It is very humbling.

I have written before about serving despite my feelings of unworthiness. Yes, I am a hairy stinker that stumbles and falls but my identity is in Christ.  I see another attack here that can keep one from serving.  Maybe it is the flip side of the same coin, but I feel like it applies differently.  If Satan is not able to cripple us by reminding us of what hairy stinkers we are, and we fight our way forward through the hail of arrows, then what is the next attack?

I think it comes at the time of transition when we realize, “Hey God is using me to do something good.”  We begin to receive a little recognition or praise.  At this point a little false humility creeps in, maybe not false, but humility based again in my past identity as a sinner rather than my current identity in Christ.   At some point a man must stop acting like a recruit and start acting like a soldier.  And at some point that soldier may become an officer.