The Last Samurai

My family is away on vacation for two weeks. I stayed home in part for work, and in part because my wife does not want me along. While they are gone, I watch movies and try to stay busy around the house. Last night I watched The Last Samurai. As I watched, I found myself wanting to draw parallels to the Christian life. I know that my life falls far short of the discipline of the Samurai, and even more so the discipline of Christ.

I was struck by the pursuit of beauty and perfection in all things.

I was struck by the discipline of the Samurai and peace that comes from it.

I was struck by the acknowledgment that a fight well fought was a thing worthy in itself.

At the end when the Emperor asks T.C. to tell how the Samurai died, T.C. says “I will tell you how he lived.” As one who is continually dieing, I would like someone to be able to talk of how I died, and then at the end of it all, talk about how I lived.

Changing Gears

Recognizing that I need to stop my puny human efforts to change my wife, I have reined in my tongue. I have tried to keep my communication with her to the minimum needed to run the house and plan the immediate future. This is not too hard, since she does not generally address anything directly to me. What is hard and surprising, is what has happened spiritually in the last couple days.

Recognition that much of my behavior, good or bad, has been controlling has not made my days any easier. I find myself falling back into personal patterns of grasping and despondency. I am also being tempted like I have not been tempted in a while.

I know this is a sign that I was depending on my own efforts to sustain me. This should throw me even more completely on the Lord. I struggle. In my head I know that what is happening is for my good, that God does not put his children through the wringer for no purpose. My prayer life has been a little stunted, but this morning one of the first things I had to do was thank the Lord for loving me enough to strip these things from me.

I think my wife continues to write. I hope that she will write out her position and think it through. Writing was her idea, not mine, so it is not a hoop that I have asked her to jump through. At the same time, I wonder if the effort will cause her to throw up her hands and say, “I do not have to justify myself to anyone.” I have been careful not to say anything about her writing to avoid provoking just this kind of reaction.

These are all hard things. I have been encouraging my daughter to “Do Hard Things!” and I find myself faced by the hardest things I have ever faced. I know that you all pray, and I ask for that to continue. I really appreciate the email and phone calls. God has returned me to the point of desperation, I want to respond appropriately.