Serve now, do not wait to feel worthy!

Gotta get this out before it is gone.  The last few weeks our pastor has been teaching from Colossians.  It has been good stuff.  I have been paying attention as he has talked about what we have been rescued from, and how we should be living now.  Last week’s message was from chapter two.  The key points were;

1. In Christ you have been given God’s infinite resources, His fullness.
2. In Christ you have been freed from the bondage of sin.  That is not who I am any more!
3. In Christ you have been freed from the punishment of sin.  I pictured a big thick college textbook of rules, regulations and punishments that Satan tries to hit us over the head with.  But Jesus gave Satan a rather public smackdown at the cross, and he cannot throw the book at us any longer.
4. Walking with Jesus is the way to live right and avoid sin.  THIS IS INTIMACY! NOT RELIGION!

I have been thinking about his alot and struggling with the dichotomy between the old man and the new man.  How can I sin when I am a Christian? How do I react to my sin when it does happen?  I was relating all this to my counselor and also drawing in what Paul has to say in Romans about no longer being a slave to sin, when my counselor asked the all important questions….What does this mean to you?  How does it affect your life.  I thought for a minute and understood.

If I am identified with Christ, I cannot be identified by my sin.  I have been given citizenship in a new kingdom with all the rank and privileges that come with it.  I must act as a citizen of that kingdom.   This means that I have the freedom to say “yes” when I am asked to serve or have an opportunity to reach out to another.  I may not always say yes, but it should never be because I feel unworthy, that would be my own sense of condemnation talking.  I am worthy!  I may feel inadequate, but His fullness takes care of that.

It really helps me to understand how the men around me can serve as elders, deacons and pastors.  They have been identified with Christ.  From the world’s point of view they are a bunch of hairy stinky sinners with quirky personalities that might seem an odd fit for any of these positions.  But these men act out of their position in Christ.  If they serve, they serve in Christ.  I know they still are tempted and still fall to sin, but that is not who they are.

Teaching to the Test

During the last 5 months there have been a number of times when the lessons I am learning, whether in podcast, download, or reading, have all come together to form a theme.  Faith, personal discipline, service, in each case the lesson has been followed by a test.  I am happy to be able to say that I am at least receiving a passing grade.  God has met me at each point of crisis and said, “Remember your lessons.”

This last week I have had a confluence of teaching relating to the soveregnity of God.  This weekend I faced a test over this.  I understood and tried to apply what I had learned.  The knowledge that God’s ultimate purpose will be served, is very freeing.  Much of the worry that has plagued me during the last few months has been lifted.  Sure, I still feel pain, but without the extra helping of worry layered on top.  I can even say that I am a little excited to see how God works it all out, especially knowing that it is for my good.

I think I will be careful to avoid teachings on celibacy.

SPIRITUAL CONFUSION

Oswald Chambers today is about spiritual confusion.  He writes,

There are times in spiritual life when there is confusion, and it is no way out to say that there ought not to be confusion. It is not a question of right and wrong, but a question of God taking you by a way which in the meantime you do not understand, and it is only by going through the confusion that you will get at what God wants.

I am in one of those times of confusion.  Yet even in the midst of my confusion, I am learning some great lessons about faith, prayer, fellowship and service.  I struggle as I try to incorporate the lessons learned into the life I lead.  I came to the realization again last night that it really is not all about me.  Yes I have my own decisions to make, “as for me and my house…”  but the full purpose of the Lord may not be known till we stand before Him.  Oswald finishes today’s reading with this statement,

The Strangeness of His Faithfulness. Luke 18:1-8. “When the Son of Man cometh, shall He find faith on the earth?” Will He find the faith which banks on Him in spite of the confusion? Stand off in faith believing that what Jesus said is true, though in the meantime you do not under stand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you ask.

Great is thy faithfulness, or should it be strange is thy faithfulness….

Seeing the Big Picture

During the last few months I have struggled with God’s will.  I have done some thinking about His general will vs his specific will and our free will.  I do not get very far in this struggle before I am forced to go back to Job 42.  Last Saturday John Piper posted an article titled Can Jesus Weep Over What He Wills that adds another twist to the unfathomable depths of the Lord.   I wish I could see more of the big picture.

Transparency, Transparency, Transparency

The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift To come unguarded, undistracted, and be fully present and fully engaged with the one whom we are with. Have you noticed in reading the Gospels that people enjoyed being around Jesus? They wanted to be near him – to share a meal, take a walk, have a lingering conversation. It was the gift of his presence. When you were with him, you felt he was offering you his heart. When we offer our unguarded presence, we live like Jesus. And we invite others to do the same.

This quote from Captivating by John Eldridge, is aimed at women, but I could not help but apply it to our lives together as men.  I am often so distracted by my own problems that I do not make myself present to listen to the man in front of me.  It is always rewarding when I manage to  “Stop, Look, and Listen” (good sermon title).  When I find myself with a brother who is truly seeing and hearing me, I need to be prepared to offer myself unguarded, not my self, but God in me.  In the end it all comes down to three words…Transparency, Transparency, Transparency.

Epic battle

Started reading 2nd Samuel chapter 2 this week for our men’s bible study.   I am struck by how much of a men’s book this is.  Epic battles, betrayal, night marches, last stands on lonely hilltops.  It is all very heroic.  How is my life heroic?  Do I give honor and respect to my enemies.  Do I give honor and respect to those above me?  Do I recognize the seriousness of the conflict that I am in?

The Impostor

My writing is below

The Impostor 08/14/2008 From the place of our woundedness we construct a false self. We find a few gifts that work for us, and we try to live off them. Stuart found he was good at math and science. He shut down his heart and spent all his energies perfecting his “Spock” persona. There, in the academy, he was safe; he was also recognized and rewarded. “When I was eight,” confesses Brennan Manning, “the impostor, or false self, was born as a defense against pain. The impostor within whispered, ‘Brennan, don’t ever be your real self anymore because nobody likes you as you are. Invent a new self that everybody will admire and nobody will know.’” Notice the key phrase: “as a defense against pain,” as a way of saving himself. The impostor is our plan for salvation. So God must take it all away. He thwarts our plan for salvation; he shatters the false self. Our plan for redemption is hard to let go of; it clings to our hearts like an octopus. Why would God do something so terrible as to wound us in the place of our deepest wound? Jesus warned us that “whoever wants to save his life will lose it” (Luke 9:24). Christ is not using the word bios here; he’s not talking about our physical life. The passage is not about trying to save your skin by ducking martyrdom or something like that. The word Christ uses for “life” is the word psyche—the word for our soul, our inner self, our heart. He says that the things we do to save our psyche, our self, those plans to save and protect our inner life—those are the things that will actually destroy us. “There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death,” says Proverbs 16:25. The false self, our plan for redemption, seems so right to us. It shields us from pain and secures us a little love and admiration. But the false self is a lie; the whole plan is built on pretense. It’s a deadly trap God loves us too much to leave us there. So he thwarts us, in many, many different ways. (Wild at Heart , 107–8) To subscribe to this email, create a profile at www.ransomedheart.com/myprofile See also the Ransomed Heart Podcast at www.ransomedheart.com/podcast

I get this daily reading from John Eldrege’s writings. I thought today was especially good. I have been an impostor for many years. Only in the last couple years has God begun speaking to me about this in a way that would get my attention. He first began softening me up as I attended the Discipleship group on Saturday morning. Then He hit me with a big bomb. Instead of turning to him, I resented the intrusion. Oh, I tried to rebuild, but it was clear that what had been ok before, would not work anymore. I was expected to build something completely new. It really angered me that my world had crumbled. I did not like the amount of work it would take to build a new thing. I did not understand that it would be Christ in me that would build anything lasting. Instead I chose to live in the rubble, focused on the destruction that had happened.

Being faithful, God is at it again. This time even the rubble is gone, there is no shelter for me. I can no longer sustain even a shadow of my former life. Sometimes I see bits my former comfort off in the distance, and I try to run towards it, but it vanishes before I can get there. The only thing that is constant is the Light. I walk forward into the glare, hoping to find the source.

The Last Samurai

My family is away on vacation for two weeks. I stayed home in part for work, and in part because my wife does not want me along. While they are gone, I watch movies and try to stay busy around the house. Last night I watched The Last Samurai. As I watched, I found myself wanting to draw parallels to the Christian life. I know that my life falls far short of the discipline of the Samurai, and even more so the discipline of Christ.

I was struck by the pursuit of beauty and perfection in all things.

I was struck by the discipline of the Samurai and peace that comes from it.

I was struck by the acknowledgment that a fight well fought was a thing worthy in itself.

At the end when the Emperor asks T.C. to tell how the Samurai died, T.C. says “I will tell you how he lived.” As one who is continually dieing, I would like someone to be able to talk of how I died, and then at the end of it all, talk about how I lived.