Transparency, Transparency, Transparency

The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift To come unguarded, undistracted, and be fully present and fully engaged with the one whom we are with. Have you noticed in reading the Gospels that people enjoyed being around Jesus? They wanted to be near him – to share a meal, take a walk, have a lingering conversation. It was the gift of his presence. When you were with him, you felt he was offering you his heart. When we offer our unguarded presence, we live like Jesus. And we invite others to do the same.

This quote from Captivating by John Eldridge, is aimed at women, but I could not help but apply it to our lives together as men.  I am often so distracted by my own problems that I do not make myself present to listen to the man in front of me.  It is always rewarding when I manage to  “Stop, Look, and Listen” (good sermon title).  When I find myself with a brother who is truly seeing and hearing me, I need to be prepared to offer myself unguarded, not my self, but God in me.  In the end it all comes down to three words…Transparency, Transparency, Transparency.

Fast For The Birds

T, I appreciated you word from the pulpit Sunday morning. I understood, and had already considered that H might come back with a negative decision. I was prepared for that, and prepared to throw myself on the Lord if that was the case.
Instead, H came back with no decision at all, just a continued commitment to her current course. This was probably harder for me than either of the other options. I asked what her expectations were for our relationship. She does not expect it to get better. She expects that sooner or later, she will talk to a lawyer. I asked her again to look to the Lord. To trust him. I talked about the things I am learning, and the things I am trying to show the children. I talked about what the breaking of our covenant would mean to our children. How badly it will hinder us when they go through these same problems, and we cannot speak to them of God’s faithfulness. I cannot begin to tell what it would mean for our oldest daughter.
I continue to try to focus on the Lord. More and more I am aware of how little I have looked to Him for my daily bread. I listened to that song this morning “This is my daily bread, this is my daily bread….” It really struck me that I have been consuming my wife for many years instead of the Lord. This led me to pray for replenishment for her spirit. I continue to be convicted about how poorly I have husbanded my wife.
Understanding the depth of my sin has made it much easier to accept these current trials. I know that whatever I have going forward will come from the Lord.
I tried fasting Sunday. I bet it has been more than twenty years since I last did that. I decided that I would break my fast with H when she got back. This was my first mistake, she was about two hours later than I thought she would be. Other than that, I was miserable. I had a headache a lot of the day, some of it from caffeine I’m sure. I had big plans to use my hungry times to pray. Instead I found myself convicted about my appetites and motives. It was not until near the end of the day when I thought that H would be arriving soon, that I came to the point of bowing before God and acknowledging what a wretched man I am. I know God’s purpose was accomplished in this, but as one who has never disciplined his body, all I can say is ouch!