Conversationally Controlling

Back in January, John Shore wrote about the difference between talking and writing.  I had to agree.  It also got me thinking about how this relates to my ex-wife’s accusations that I am controlling.  Since I write well, she has accused me of never misspeaking, of always being sure of what I am saying, controlling the conversation.  When I am writing, I have the freedom to delete, backspace and rewrite until I find the turn of phrase that is needed.  How does this translate to conversation?  How does this translate to argument?

Conversationally I tend to listen more than I speak.  If I am in a position where opinions are being expressed, it is difficult to let mine out unless I am asked directly.  Or, if I do speak it is because I have come up with a sentence that is just right.  I might be a little like George Castanza who sat silent in meetings until the end when he would make his parting remark and exit the room while they were laughing.  If I am in a position of management I am able to let those for whom I am responsible know what they need to know, but that is a different kind of communication.

In an argument I beat the horse long after it has stopped breathing.  I know that if I find just the right turn of phrase, I will carry the day.  Of course this can mean that the person I am arguing with eventually gives up.

Does all this make me controlling?  Maybe.  I have tried to manage and sought to control pain for most of my adult life.  I am sure that struggle bleed into every area of my life.   I am a manager.  I may not always be a very good one, but it is part of my personality.  Over the last few years as I have become more involved at church, I have become more aware of how much management is servant-hood.   At work, I am a manager by title and servant by job description.  Thankfully this is a big part of the ethos of my company.  I still struggle regularly to bring it into alignment.

One last thing, it is tough to not be self conscious about my writing when I link to a pro in the first sentence of a post.  John if you read this, thanks for all the writing you do and the things that occasionally make me think about my own situation.