Racheting up the tension

As if divorce isn’t hard enough already, here comes Christmas.  And of course the ninety days of legal limbo runs out on or about December 20th.  I am not clear on how fast it could all come together, but it appears that if my wife and I can come to agreement about everything and have signed and filed documents prior to that date, she could get her divorce decree before the holiday.  What a great present!

I think a hundred mean and unkind thoughts over the course of the week.  I manage to bite my tongue on ninety-nine of them.  The one that I speak forth sets us back a week in our work to resolve the un-resolvable.  As odd as it may sound, I would like to get through this part so that I can enjoy the holiday.

I have been looking at life through divorce colored glasses long enough.  I would like to see things from a different perspective.  Every relationship I have will change in some way.  How do I approach parenting after divorce?  How do I approach my need for companionship in a healthy way(is God sufficient)?  How do I approach the Lord as a divorced person(I know that may sound odd, but some will understand).  So many questions.

I wanna go back to Egypt

Isn’t it tragic how attractive old sin can look when times are tough under our new master?  Going “back to Egypt” seems like the easy path.   The promised land seems far away.  Is it worth it?  Of course!  We were held captive in the land of sin.  God sent his son deep into enemy territory, even to the gates of hell, to rescue us.   I have been rescued, but it is so hard to believe.  So many days I find myself living like I am still a captive, shuffling along like I still have shackles on my feet.  As I remember the pain of those chains, I tend to lash out at those around me.  It is especially humbling to recognize that I am unable to live as a free man without being totally dependent on my new master.

I pray.